Ditch work-life balance conversations, embrace life balance wheel
Image by Carles Rabada
Work life balance has been in the media spotlight for awhile and is something that everybody is trying to achieve, but very few people are able to clearly define.
Every company strives to provide a balance, yet most women struggle to find it. I gave up a couple of years ago. It doesn’t exist; it’s all about the inter-mixing of both rather than an equilibrium. I have embraced that it’s work-life union, meaning that my work is allowed to spill into my life and my life needs to be represented at work. I can’t just turn off my ‘work’ brain when I enter my house. If something stressful is happening in my professional world, it will carry over into my home life. On the other side, you will see my kids in my office on the days of early pick-up from school or when they have days off, because not only is it important for my kids to see what their mom does and how she is at work, it’s equally critical for my co-workers to see that there is a whole lot more to my life than how I present at work.
This past weekend I spent some time attending a workshop lead by life coach, Lisa Roesner, geared towards identifying our values and ensuring that we prioritize our life in accordance to what we say is important to us. I was introduced to a life balance wheel. It was the first time I have seen this tool, and there are 2 things that I absolutely loved about it that inspired me to write this post.
It represents all aspects in my life that are important in order for me to have inner harmony. It nicely defines a few areas of work and life that ought to be balanced
It’s a great visual representation of how in tune I am with my values and where and how my energy is spent
In the workshop I took a few minutes to score my satisfaction with each area of my life, as represented on the wheel, on a scale of 0-10, 0 being dissatisfied, and 10 being fully satisfied. What I saw at the end of the exercise motivated me to spring into action and fix the situation. I am going to be completely transparent and share with you my final result. I didn’t know what the definitions were of each section, so I defined what they mean to me.
Image source: http://www.kwcoaching.co.za
I looked at my visually represented answers, and I realized that all these areas are important, and each when not satisfied can cause stress and take away energy. However, I never really took the time to sit down and reflect what is causing me stress and exactly how much. As you can see from my wheel there are 2 areas that are less than satisfactory currently: health and home environment.
Health
I have battled migraines for a good portion of the last two decades. The condition can be debilitating when pain strikes, but it also causes me anxiety because it’s a silent disease that is often overlooked or minimized by people who haven’t been exposed to it.
Home Environment
This can mean multiple things to people, it can mean atmosphere in your home or maybe the physical state of your house. In my case, it’s the atmosphere part. I love our house, we have worked really hard to make it our home. In the past 4 years my house isn’t just a place for my husband, my kids and our dogs to share, but is also a housing situation for my mom. When my dad passed away suddenly in Russia, my mom’s only living relative at the time in the country, we took her in to live with us. And while I am happy that she isn’t alone or lonely, we both are very different individuals, and it’s a challenging power dynamic. My mom has been the head of her household for the past 40+ years, and I have been on my own since I was 15, so we both have very different ideas about how to run a home.
Has my wheel always been out of balance? Probably not, and if so, most likely in different areas throughout my life. Our values, priorities and situations change; and we encounter stress and anxiety when certain areas are in dissonance with our values. As you ponder through each section of the wheel, pause and reflect:
Are activities in this area bringing you joy?
Are your actions aligned with your values?
Is it an energy-booster or energy-sucker?
Are you doing things because you ‘should’ be doing them, or because you want to?
Image by Paladini Mauro
In the past few years, I knew that home environment and health issues have caused me stress, but I never realized how much of my energy was spent in those two areas and how draining it’d been. And furthermore, that I have choices! I can either accept the situation as is and decide that I will continue having this stress in my life and find ways to cope with new reality, or I can choose to take action and change things for the better.
There is not much I can do about my migraines, so I am choosing to accept this new reality and be open about the struggle. But there is something I can do about my home environment. After looking at my life balance wheel, realization hit me on the head that I am fortunate enough to change my circumstances, and I have support. So this past weekend my husband and I decided that we will find a safe and good place for my mom to live in, where we can visit her often, and create a much needed space that will be beneficial for all.
I wanted to share this insight and exercise because I see profound value in it. As women, we often forget to pause and evaluate our well-being and inner harmony. With the holiday season upon us, it’s high time to practice self-care. Let go of what we ‘should’ be doing, and dedicate some space to sit down and take an inventory of what’s happening in your life that might have been throwing you off-kiln, realize that it takes energy away from you and that you have choices and support to make necessary changes!
“Balance is not better time management, but better boundary management. Balance means making choices and enjoying those choices.”
Many people think that “No” is where negotiations stops. I would argue that it’s an opportunity to stay curious and discover knowledge that hasn’t been shared before.