The Power of NO

Image by Mimi Thian

“No” is a powerful yet often misunderstood word. When we think about negotiations, we all want to get to an agreement, ultimately to a ‘yes’.

I don’t subscribe to the notation of getting to ‘yes’ at any expense, nor do I consider “No” to be an undesirable outcome necessarily. 

Many people think that “No” is where negotiations stops. I would argue that it’s an opportunity to stay curious and discover knowledge that hasn’t been shared before.

Before we move on, I’d like to clarify that there are different “No”s that you might encounter. Some are signs of obstacles / roadblocks, and some are signs of your boss having an implicit bias. You can and should influence the former; if the latter is the case, then cut your losses, thank the person for the conversation and find a company that doesn’t have a toxic culture and values its employees. 

If you are having negotiations in good faith with your superior, and you come to a “No”, don’t shut down, but rather focus on understanding what’s behind that answer. 

1. Acknowledge

Don’t argue with a “No”, there is no reason for it. Instead, verbally acknowledge that your counterpart has been heard.

2. Dig deeper

Express genuine desire to understand what’s standing in the way. Ask open-ended question of “what would it take to get what I have asked for?” It could be a matter of timing, maybe your ask for more came at the time when the budget has no more room. If that’s the case, learn when is the budget going to be discussed next, so you can pick up that conversation. If “No” is based on the fact that you are the highest paid employee in your bracket, then focus on “how do I move up to the next level?” and “what are the steps needed for that?” If “No” is based on you not having demonstrated a certain skill, then focus on “how do we ensure that if I do exhibit it then it shows and is counted towards my performance” so you can define clearly measurable markers to assess your skillset. If “No” is based on the fact that your counterpart isn’t flexible on that one specific aspect that you requested to be adjusted, then explore alternative options. For example, if I wanted a $5K bump in my salary, I might just as excitedly accept another 10 days of paid vacation, or have the company pay for an executive level class or certification I might pursue.

3. Be grateful

Thank the other party for giving you their time and energy and sharing their knowledge on how you can achieve your ask.

4. Set expectations

Agree on the next steps and timing of this conversation to continue. 

Many people go into negotiations hoping to come out with a “Yes”, and often when they are encountered with a “No” find themselves at a stand-still; their brain being thrown into persuasion or defensive mode. That’s why it’s critical to be prepared to hear a “No”, so when it happens you aren’t taken aback, and are willing to pivot to more productive conversations that will be filled with insights and produce creative solutions to further your negotiations rather than stall them. 

Ultimately, you shouldn’t hear a “No” in your first meeting. Ideally, when you have a meeting with your boss, and make the ask, your superior should listen to your demands, commit to look into your request and provide a timeline of when you can meet again to discuss the situation. If your counterparty meets you with an unequivocal “No” from the get go, there might be other underlying issues, such as a strong implicit bias at play on the part of the respondent, or a significant misalignment in the value you bring to the table. 

Start training your mindset that “No” is not the end of the conversation, rather a continuation of exploration of the unknowns.

Reach out to us if you are looking for assistance in preparation process to get impressive results when it comes to negotiating on your own behalf.